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我看到的最搞笑的飞里程报告。新加坡-香港-三藩-香港-新加坡

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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 12:50:30  | 显示全部楼层 | 阅读模式
本帖最后由 yang1980 于 2010-11-29 21:34 编辑

http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/united-mileage-plus/1152705-thanksgiving-mr-going-pear-shaped.html

Nov 24, 10, 8:33 pm
Thanksgiving MR Going Pear Shaped...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This may not have been such a good idea...

Left this morning at o'dark hundred for the airport, starting out on the first leg of my very first MR, SIN-HKG-SFO-HKG-SIN.

Only 2 of the 4 legs had cleared the upgrade waitlist, but I thought "it's Thanksgiving, surely loads will be light?" I purposely bought a H fare, which is refundable, just in case I chickened out at the last minute.

Wife thinks I'm going to Manila. And anyway, my folks are in town - and she just reckons I'm making up any excuse to get out of the house. Let's leave that for another time...

Anyway, Easy Update starts bleeping at me with the first of several re-timed messages. Flight now delayed out of HKG to SFO due to a late arriving crew from Saigon.

Flight to SFO is originally slated to depart out of HKG at 12noon. Now it's just gone to 3pm. Am drinking heavily in the TG lounge, despite a wonderful turkey on offer over at the RCC.

According to the check-in agent at SIN I was 4th on the upgrade list out of HKG. When I checked with the senior lounge dragon at HKG, still 4th. But she reckons Business has checked in full. Only the Cantonese can deliver news like this with such ferocity that it makes you never want to ask again...

"Lady, if I had a nickel for everytime someone has said that to me, I'd be a very wealthy man..." I thought to myself.

Run away to the TG lounge. Call the US 1K line. Lovely lady reckons I'm mad, says the connection is going to be very tight (apparently, I land in SFO with an hour to clear customs and get back upstairs) but she confirms that J still has more than 9 seats unsold. A glimmer of hope still then as far as the upgrade goes.

I'm sitting here trying to think of my disaster recover plan. I somehow think the flight out of HKG will be delayed even further. Then, Murphy's law will take over and even if I do arrive in time at SFO, 14 flights from Asia will have all landed at the same time and the customs hall will look like Grand Central Station.

Then what to say to the CBP?

"How long are you staying in the US?"
"About 45-mins, less if you stop asking me idiotic questions"
"Really, 45-mins?"
"Yes, doing a Mileage Run"
"A what?" as he reaches to his side to unclip the safety retainer on his 9mm
"A mileage run, you know, to build up status and miles"
"Never heard of it"
"So, you're telling me you just spent 3 hrs from SIN-HKG, then 12+ hours from HKG to SFO and now you're going to turn around and do it all again?"
"Yes, exactly. There you go, I knew you'd understand"
"You're an idiot" Presses button and 5-seconds later, a large man arrives.

Dragged off to a room somewhere in the bowels of SFO airport....(or something like that).

Trip report to follow. Divorce imminent. Probably be homeless by the time I get back to SIN. If I ever get back...

用Google翻译,可能有些走形。

这可能不会有这样一个好主意...

为留在机场百o'dark今天上午,开始了对我的第一个议员,善港运会,证券及期货条例,港运仙的第一站。

只有2例是4条腿候补清除了升级,但我认为“这是感恩节,肯定会被载入火吗?”我特意买了一个H票价,这是退还,以防万一我在最后一刻胆怯了。

妻子认为我要去马尼拉。不管怎样,我父母在城里 - 她只是估计我正在做的任何借口,得到了家门。让我们离开,其他时间...

不管怎样,易升级开始bleeping我与一些重新定时消息第一。现在航班延误了港运至证券及期货条例因晚到从西贡船员。

证券及期货条例航班离开原本预定在中午12时的港运出。现在,它只是去了下午三时。大量饮酒在上午的TG休息室,尽管在碾压混凝土上提供了精彩的火鸡。

根据入住时间为单,我在升级的港运会列出第四剂。当我检查的高级休息室龙在港运会,还是第4位。但她认为企业已全面检查。只有广东人能够提供像这样凶猛这个消息,它让你再也不想再问...

“女士,如果我有一个镍每次有人对我说,我将是一个非常富有的人...”我心想。

跑开的TG休息室。拨打美国1K的路线。可爱的女士估计我疯了,说,连接将会非常紧张(显然,我的土地与证券及期货条例清关时间,并取回楼上),但她证实,Ĵ仍然有超过900个座位售出。还有一丝希望的那么至于升级去。

我坐在这里,我正在想灾难恢复计划。我总觉得港运会飞行,将是更为延后。然后,墨菲定律会接管,即使我做的时间到达证券及期货条例,14个来自亚洲的航班都降落在同一时间和海关大堂看起来像大中央车站。

那怎么敢对CBP的?

“多久你留在美国?”
“大约45分钟,那么如果你别再问我愚蠢的问题”
“真的,45分钟?”
“是的,做一个里程运行”
“一个什么?”当他到达他的身边,就在他的收藏文章的安全固定九毫米
“一个里程运行,你知道,建立地位和英里”
“从来没有听说过”
“那么,你告诉我,你只要花从善港运会3小时,然后12小时港运至证券及期货条例,现在你要回头重来一遍?”
“是的,没错。那里你去,我知道你会理解”
“你是白痴”压按钮,5秒钟后,一个大男人到达。

拖动一个房间某处证券及期货条例机场....(或类似的东西)的肠子。

行程报告遵循。离婚迫在眉睫。可能的时候我回到单人无家可归。如果我回来...
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 12:53:04  | 显示全部楼层
回复 1# yang1980

Nov 24, 10, 8:56 pm
Lady luck is turning. Ran back to RCC. Cranky Old Lounge Lizard has been replaced by someone much nicer. New Business Class Boarding pass waiting for me at reception - 13K (upper deck). Most excellent.

Asked nicer Lounge Lizard about tight connection in SFO, given just over an hour. She then calls out the back and the grumpy one re-appears. Crap.

Both women then proceed to berate me for being a fool and that the connection times are too tight. I try and convince them that I am a good runner. They laugh. Actually, it was more like a snicker. And say something in Cantonese under their breath to each other, which was clearly not complimentary. More snickers.

2 more hours of drinking cheap Chilean wine.

幸运女神正在发生变化。跑回碾压混凝土。胡思乱想的旧休息室蜥蜴已被取代的人好得多。新商务舱登机牌等候接待我 - 1.3万(上层)。最优秀的。

问更好的休息室蜥蜴在证券及期货条例有关的紧密联系只是给出了一个多小时。然后,她召唤出背部和脾气暴躁的人重新出现。废话。

两个女人然后进行苛责是一个傻瓜,而连接时间太紧了。我尝试说服他们,我是个好选手。他们笑了。其实,它就像一个snicker更多。并说在他们彼此的呼吸,这显然是不免费的广东话东西。更多窃笑。

2个小时的智利葡萄酒饮用便宜。
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 12:54:32  | 显示全部楼层
Nov 24, 10, 10:05 pm
Update, 2.01pm Thurs, HKG

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apparently, the flight from SGN has just landed. According to .bomb, the reason for the delay was "the crew".

You'd think that they could be a little more specific. What exactly does a crew delay involve?

Did they all go out and get drunk the night before? Did they lose someone between the airport and the hotel? Did one or more of them decide at the last minute to go out and get some cheap cosmetic surgery done - so they would look good for Thanksgiving?

The challenge now is for the airport ground staff to gas up the bird, empty the honey pot and restock the galley with food prepared by the lowest bidder, probably off an island somewhere in the South China Sea.

The Global Services lady in the RCC took pity on me and has printed off my 2 boarding passes (SFO-HKG and HKG-SIN) so I can wave them urgently in front of any non-english speaking person I run into in the SFO customs and arrival area.

The Chilean wine is starting to take the edge off. My liver I think. But I feel calmer. Sort of.

Given that I am on the upper deck, I was thinking of stuffing $50 dollar bills under the cockpit door with a note to the Captain, pleading for him to duct tape the throttles to the forward most position, despite whatever howls of protest from flight operations he might receive...

Then again, I have no desire to be rugby tackled by a FAM. Or worse, a heavy set trolley dolley who has unresolved issues. With someone.

As the famous line in the movies goes...."this is gonna be close..."

Fellow FT'ers. Wish me luck. And as you sit there, stuffing your face, drinking too much and quite possibly ending your day in the mother of all arguments with relatives you don't really like, think of me.

更新,下午2时01周四,港运会

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

显然,从胡志明市的航班刚刚降落。据。炸弹,延迟的原因是“船员”。

你会认为他们可以更具体一点。究竟涉及船员延误?

难道他们都出去找前一天晚上喝的?他们损失的往返于机场和酒店的人?有没有一个或多个在最后一刻决定出去找一些廉价的整容手术做了 - 因此他们会寻找感恩节好?

现在的挑战是为机场地勤人员了鸟气,空蜜罐然后再进货与出价最低的竞标准备食物的厨房,一个小岛的某个地方可能关闭在南中国海。

全球服务在RCC女士牵着可怜可怜我,把我的2印制登机证(证券及期货条例,港运和港运仙),所以我可以在任何紧急波非英语国家的人,我跑前他们在证券及期货条例海关进和到达的地区。

智利葡萄酒已开始采取边缘了。我觉得我的肝。但我觉得更冷静。排序的。

鉴于本人在上层甲板的时候,我的馅在驾驶舱门,以船长注意五○美元美钞的心思,恳求他胶带油门的远期大部分位置,尽管无论抗议吼声从飞行作业他可能会收到...

再说,我不希望成为一个橄榄球票价调整机制处理。或者更糟的是,一车多利谁重订有悬而未决的问题。与某人。

由于在电影中的名言...."这是会去接近...“

研究员FT'ers。祝我好运。而当你坐在那里,填充你的脸,喝太多,很可能结束,在与母亲的亲属所有参数的一天,你真的不喜欢,对我的看法。
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 12:55:35  | 显示全部楼层
Update, 2.39pm Thurs, HKG

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, it's 6 minutes to boarding and not a whisper from anyone in the RCC. The Global Services lady who helped me before has disappeared, the 2 cantonese check in chicks are still out the back laughing. At me.

And the rest of the reception staff are working an ANA flight and wouldn't know if the building was on fire.

Not surprisingly, nary a word or an email or an SMS from anything remotely affiliated with United to let us know what's going on.

As I look out from the RCC, I can see "da plane".

I have steeled myself. I need to finish the mission. I've got 12  hours to think of a good excuse. My wife always told me that all she needs is 3-minutes to clean out the bank accounts - so more than once, she has said when it comes to thinking up excuses, "take all the time in the world".

Anyway. I digress. Lets worry about that bit later.

I started up a conversation with the lady opposite me at the RCC. We are on the same flight. I sheepishly told her what I was doing. She was amazed. Had no idea what a MR was. And more amazed at why anyone would want to do one.

She is a non-believer. I don't have time to convert her. And besides, she is one of those angry women with a short haircut. You know what I mean.

But I was impressed, as she was using flighttracker to track the progress of our inbound aircraft. Not that it made much difference.

My only hope now is that I get transferred to the next days flight...and the upgrades come with me.

More Chilean wine...

更新,周四下午2点39,港运会

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

嗯,这是从在RCC人6分钟登机,而不是一个耳语。全球服务夫人谁帮我之前已经消失,在雏鸡2粤语检查仍然有回笑。我。

和其他工作人员的接待工作是一个模拟飞行,不会知道如果建筑物着火。

毫不奇怪,进制一个字或一个电子邮件或远程与联合国下属的任何一个短信,让我们知道发生了什么事情。

当我从农村信用社看出来,我可以看到“大飞机”。

我有锻炼自己。我要完成的使命。我有12小时想出一个很好的借口。我的妻子总是告诉我,所有她需要的是3分钟清理银行账户 - 所以多过一次,她说,当谈到想出借口,“在世界所有的时间”。

不管怎样。我离题。让我们担心有点迟。

我开始与我对面的女士在碾压混凝土交谈。我们都在同一个航班。俺不好意思地告诉她我在做什么。她很惊讶。不知道什么是MR的。而更多的惊讶,为什么有人愿意这样做的。

她是一个非信徒。我没有时间来转换她。除此之外,她是一个短发那些愤怒的女性之一。你知道我的意思。

但我留下了深刻印象,因为她是用flighttracker跟踪我们入境飞机的进展。不在于它取得了很大的差异。

我唯一的希望是,我得到转移到未来几天的飞行...和升级跟我来。

智利葡萄酒...更多
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:03:47  | 显示全部楼层
Nov 25, 10, 1:53 pm

Update, 1.56pm Thurs, SFO

Murphys Law - Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. Especially as far as air travel is concerned. Especially on a mileage run. And even more so when you are deep, deep, deep undercover.

Well, in theory, I still could have made it. When you fly a lot, you develop a pretty good instinct about calculating connection times. You are familiar with airports, you know how long it takes you to walk from concourse B to C, you know how far it is from the international terminal to the domestic terminal, you know the short-cuts. You just know.

So there I was, with the clock ticking and my connection time looking more and more anorexic by the minute.

The 3pm departure out of HKG came and went. We heard zip. Nada from anyone in the RCC. To be honest, I thought that was a bit average.

In fairness, an announcement went over the PA in the RCC about 3.10pm. Flight 862 to SFO was finally boarding out of G50, which was at the end of the pier, but not a bad trek from the lounge.

I grabbed my bags and hoofed it to the gate, just thankful that the upgrade gods had taken kindly to me.

The boarding area was congested, but not insurmountable. Walked straight up to the red carpet, past everyone in the zoo class queue and straight down the jet bridge, only to be met by another bag search by the HKG authorities.

The flight looked packed. To the gills. I was starting to wonder whether or not my upgrade clearing was due to an operational requirement, given that when I inadvertently spotted my C class boarding pass at reception a few hours prior, I noticed 2 other 1K'ers new passes as well.

Anyway, time for pontificating those sorts of things later.

My upper deck seat mate is heading to DC. I reckon his connections would be shot. We settle in and I'm hoping for a quick pushback. I'm also preying that the Captains wife, girlfriend (or both) have insisted that he be home for Thanksgiving dinner and that he has a sense of urgency about using the throttle.

Then we wait. Time stands still.

3.30pm goes by. Then 3.45pm. Now it's 4pm.

I start laughing (actually it was more like a quiet sob). My seat mate shifts uncomfortably. He nervously reaches for his ipod.

Then the PA announcements start.

"Would a Mr Larry Roberts please identify yourself to a member of the crew…. a Mr. Larry Roberts".

Apparently, United's billion dollar IT infrastructure and an army of cantonese ground staff could not quite figure out if a Mr Roberts had boarded the plane. Staff start searching the aisles with flashlights.

The announcements continue. But this time, with a greater sense of urgency.

"Look it, Mr, Roberts, if you are here, prease let us know. Stop kidding around. We need to get going…"

Mr. Roberts was no-where to be found.

The Captain came over the PA sounding mighty pissed. He apologized and said that if Mr. Roberts didn't show his face soon, they were going to find his bag and dump it on the runway, just prior to a Fedex freighter taking off. Or something like that.

The ground crew then discovered that there was another passenger missing. Or lost. Or both.

I started to lose the will to live. More incomprehensible announcements.

It was now 4.15pm

Because I was close to the cockpit, the door was still open. I'm sure I heard the "F" word. A lot.

Then another announcement, which sounded not unlike a school headmaster, boomed over the PA.

"United wishes to inform all passengers that this is a NON-SMOKING flight. It is a Federal offense to smoke in the aircraft lavatories. Please do not smoke. You have been warned". Seriously. That was word for word.

All the passengers in the upper deck look at each other in bewilderment.

The Cantonese and Mandarin translations followed. They sounded more like death-threats than public announcements.

Obviously some enterprising passengers down the back had decided that due to the excessive wait, they would pop into the loo for a quick drag. Fair enough I suppose. But why of all days does it have to be today for people to take their first flight on an aircraft.

We finally pushed back at 4.40pm. A full 4.4hrs later than the scheduled departure. I only had a 3-hour window in SFO if everything ran smoothly. That was now shot to pieces.

I then started to have nightmares about staying overnight in a place called The Red Roof Inn. It's the establishment UA provides for "premium passengers" if they need a place to stay. I had the misfortune of staying there last Xmas when UA took 2-hrs to deliver the family's bags on our annual vacation and we missed all our connections. Another time perhaps.

Airborne. Finally. The Captain came on and apologized again. He said that due to strong tailwinds we would be landing in SFO anywhere between 11.20am and 11.30am. My flight back to HKG was at 11.57am.

No way I thought. Unless. Unless this is the aircraft they send back.

I decided that it wasn't worth worrying about anymore and grabbed the printed menu. I quickly turned to the last page. Ah yes, a New Zealand Sav Blanc. Perfect. Lets see how quickly I could consume a bottle of that.

While there may be many imperfections with UA's soft product in C, one thing you cant give them a hard time over is the speed of their drinks service. Man, as soon as the aircraft is rolling down the runway, you can hear champagne corks popping, wine bottles being opened, carts being stocked and glasses being racked.

Five minutes after wheels up, the CA leaned over and asked me what I'd like to drink.

"I'll have the NZ Sav Blanc thanks. Just pour the whole bottle into the ice bucket and bring me a straw"

She pretended not to hear the smart alec comment about the ice bucket.

"We have a Chablis today instead. Is that ok?"

"Perfect", I said.

Now I'm no wine expert, but the last time I looked, Chablis and Sav Blanc aren't really the same things. Sure, they are both whites. And they both contain alcohol. But that's about it.

And you have to worry about the vintage of a french white when all the label says on it, in big capital letters is "C-H-A-B-L-I-S". Just so there's no misunderstanding. For the crew or the customers.

It was drinkable. Just. Obviously someone at United procurement got a good deal on 5 million gallons of the stuff.

So, as I write this, I'm a third of the way, the movies are boring and my liver is starting to fail.

More to come when I get to SFO and I learn of my fate...
United: 1K, AA: PE, Air France: Platinum, SAS: Gold, Starwood: Platinum, Marriott: Platinum, Hilton: Gold, Carlson: Gold, Best Western: Platinum

空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:04:18  | 显示全部楼层
更新,周四下午1时56分,三藩机场

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

墨菲斯法 - 不管可能出错,就会出错。特别是作为据航空旅行的关注。尤其是在运行里程。甚至更多,所以当你深,深,深卧底。

那么,在理论上,我仍然可以成功的。当你飞了很多,你开发有关计算连接时间一个相当不错的本能。你对机场熟悉,你知道你需要多长时间,从大堂乙步行至C,你知道有多远从国际国内终端终端,你知道捷径。你就是知道。

因此,我对我的时钟滴答和连接时间,看着越来越多的按分钟厌食症。

下午3点出发的港运来了又走了。我们听到拉链。从虚无缥缈在RCC任何人。老实说,我认为这是一个位的平均水平。

公平地说,在宣布了碾压混凝土约下午3时10分在PA。飞行862至证券及期货条例终于登上了G50,这是在该码头结束,但不是从休息室坏跋涉。

我抓起我的包和蹄它的大门,只是感谢神的升级已采取善待我。

登机区是拥挤,但并非不可克服。径直走到了红地毯,过去大家在动物园级队列和垂直向下喷射的桥梁,被另一只由港运当局袋搜索满足。

该航班看着包装。对于鳃。我开始怀疑我是否没有升级的原因是结算业务的要求,因为当我无意中发现在我的C类接待登机牌,几个小时前,我发现2个新的通行证以及其他1K'ers。

无论如何,对于这些各种各样的事情而论以后。

我的队友是上层座位前往直流。我估计他的连接将被枪毙。我们定居,我希望能为迅速推回。我也侵害了队长的妻子,女友(或两者)坚持说,他回家过感恩节晚餐,他有紧迫感有关使用油门的感觉。

然后我们等待。时间停滞了。

下午3点30推移。然后,下午3时45分。现在的下午4点。
我开始笑(其实更像是一个安静的抽泣)。我的座位队友转变令人不安。他紧张地达到了他的iPod。
然后,巴勒斯坦权力机构宣布开始。
“那一个拉里罗伯茨先生,请给自己一个确定的船员...。一个拉里罗伯茨先生”。
显然,美国的数十亿美元的IT基础设施和地面人员的粤语军队能找出不太如果罗伯茨先生登上了飞机。工作人员开始搜索与手电筒的过道。
该公告继续。但是,这与一个更大的紧迫感时间。
“瞧吧,先生,罗伯茨,如果你在这里,prease让我们知道。停止开玩笑。我们需要走了...”
罗伯特先生没有哪一个角落被发现。
船长走了过来威武的PA探空生气。他道歉,并说,如果没有罗伯特先生露脸不久,他们将发现他的袋子,倒在跑道上它,只是前联邦快递货机起飞。或类似的东西。
地勤人员后来发现,有另一名乘客失踪。或丢失。或两者兼而有之。
我开始失去了活下去的意愿。更令人费解的公告。
现在是下午4点15分
因为我很接近,驾驶舱,门还开着。我确信我听到的“F”字。很多。
接着又宣布,这听起来不像一个学校的校长不,在PA的蓬勃发展。
“联合国希望通知所有乘客,这是一个不吸烟的航班。这是一个联邦罪吸烟在飞机的卫生间。请不要吸烟。你已经被警告”。认真对待。这是逐字逐句。
所有的乘客在每一个困惑的其他上层看看。
粤语和普通话的翻译跟着。他们听起来更像是死亡的威胁比公告。
明显下调后一些企业已经决定,由于乘客的过度等待,他们将进入一个快速厕所流行拖累。我想,很公平。但是,所有的日子为什么它要为市民提供参与今天在飞机上的首次飞行。
我们终于在下午4点40推后。一个完整的4.4hrs晚于预定起飞。我只有在证券及期货条例3小时的窗口,如果一切都进行得很顺利。这是现在拍成碎片。
然后,我开始对住在一个地方过夜叫红屋顶酒店的噩梦。这是建立联合航空提供“优质乘客”如果他们需要一个栖身之地。我有幸在那里停留了去年圣诞节时,尿酸2小时地向我们的年假家庭的袋子,我们错过了所有的联系不幸。还有一次,也许吧。
空降。最后。船长来到并再次道歉。他说,由于强烈的塔伊尔兹我们将降落在证券及期货条例及上午十一时三十分至上午11时20分在任何地方。我的航班回港运会是在上午11时57分。
没有办法,我想。除非。除非这是他们发回的飞机。
我决定,这是不值得担心了,抓住了印菜单。我赶紧转身到最后一页。是啊,在新西兰有SAv白朗。完善。让我们看看如何快速地消耗了我的瓶子。
虽然有可能与UA的产品在C软许多不完善的地方,有一件事你不能让他们很难过是他们的饮料服务速度。人,只要飞机跑道上滚下来的,你可以听到香槟酒瓶塞弹出,酒瓶被打开,车被放养和眼镜被折磨。
五分钟后车轮起来,在CA俯身问我什么,我想喝酒。
“我要感谢的新西兰SAv之相思。只是倒入冰桶整个瓶子,给我一根稻草”
她装作没听见智能有关冰桶亚历克评论。
“我们有一个夏布利今天代替。可以吗?”
“完美”,我说。
现在,我没有酒专家,但我最后一次看,夏布利和Sav布兰克是不是真正的同样的事情。当然,他们都是白人。而且它们都含有酒精。但是,就是如此。
而且你必须担心法国白葡萄酒当所有的标签上写着上,在大大写字母是“夏布利”。正是这样有任何误解。对船员或顾客。
这是可以饮用。公正。显然有人在联合国采购了5万加仑的东西很划算。
因此,当我写这篇文章,我是第三次的方式,是乏味的电影,我的肝脏已经开始失败。
更多的惊喜,当我到三藩机场,我和我的命运学习...
United: 1K, AA: PE, Air France: Platinum, SAS: Gold, Starwood: Platinum, Marriott: Platinum, Hilton: Gold, Carlson: Gold, Best Western: Platinum

空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:10:15  | 显示全部楼层
Nov 25, 10, 3:13 pm
Update, 2.01pm Thurs, SFO

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Touchdown, 11.35am...

Let me tell you about my morning.

So, I have no idea why, but as we taxied to the arrival gate, I still had a glimmer of hope that I could make the connection. After all, I could see "da plane" out of the window. It was right there. So close you could smell the Jet A.

I mistakenly told one of the upper deck FA's that I was doing a MR and was hopping on a flight straight back to HKG.

She was apoplectic. Couldn't fathom why a person would do such a thing.

"What about your wife? What about your family" she screeched at me.

"Ah yes, I have one of each. How are yours?" I tried to deflect the issue of the family as quickly as I could and make small talk.

She muttered something in Cantonese and stormed off. Just what I need in my life right now. Another vertically challenged, angry Asian woman.

So, plane stops, I bolt down the stairs. Do the sheep-dog dash over the bewildered passengers and sprint up into CBP.

"Not too bad, not too bad", I said to myself, as I scanned the entire area. Queues pretty light in the "Visitors" section. I run to a line with 6-7 people in it and appeal to the man with the gun to let me jump the queue.

I said to myself, now is not the time to kid or be a smart alec. The man with the gun comes over, looks at my boarding pass and says "you're toast, too bad, so sad, bye bye".

Or something like that.

I then wait an eternity. Why is it that every time you are in a hurry in customs at SFO, the line you are in is filled with non english speaking people?
People who have never travelled before. People who struggle getting dressed in the morning, let alone travel internationally.

The urge to scream starts to build. And I start using the F word. In Greek. A lot.

Anyway, I get to the next man with a gun, the one behind the window and he starts...

"Why are you coming to the United States?"
"Job interview..." I said sheepishly, figuring that my morning had already gone to custard, why make things worse and tell the truth. I didn't have the energy to try and explain what a MR was at this point in the game.

I had visions of latex gloves, KY jelly and me lying in a room somewhere, being asked by someone if I understood what was about to happen next.

"What sort of job interview?" the man said.

Now, I had only been thru SFO around 2-weeks ago, and the man with the gun says "but you were only here 2-weeks ago?"

"Why do you come to the United States so much?"

I was beginning to ask myself the same question.

I muddle through the next 4-5 questions and the man with the gun actually wishes me luck for the interview.

If I don't burn in hell for this entire saga, I'm probably going to need a new job. Definitely a new wife. Maybe the kids will start talking to me again after they graduate college and I buy them a car.

I bolt for the exit and turn left to where all the UA misconnects are attended to at the large UA service counter.

It's empty. I approach one of the nice ladies.

I then proceed to explain my predicament. She is also incredulous.

"But Mr Eightblack, everyone was looking for you. Where have you been?"
"Ah, stuck in Customs. My flight was delayed 4 hours out of HKG"
"And you're telling me you were booked on the 869 going back to HKG?"
"Yes maam"
"Why?"
"Why not"

She's starts foaming at the mouth and then starts furiously tapping on the keyboard. Clearly, she's not happy that she's working today. Must have pulled the short straw in the roster. I dare not bring up the subject of family or anything else that might send her into a fit of rage.

"Well, I need to call someone"

"Me too" I said to myself under my breath. An attorney probably.

She calls up someone in operations or something similar and then says
"Hey Betty, I have a Mr Eightblack here, you know, that guy who was supposed to be on the HKG flight. Well he just showed up at my counter. And you'll never guess where he just came from"

At this point, I was wondering why all these years had I not bitten the bullet and done whatever it would have taken to qualify for GS. Surely they don't laugh at you.

Clearly, the Service Agent I was dealing with and "Betty" could not care less that I was standing at the counter listening to their entire conversation. There was much bickering and laughter. About me.

Anyway, the angry lady finally re-books me onto the flight tomorrow. I politely ask her to check on my upgrade status. More tapping.

The SWU hasn't come back to your account yet. Let me call Mileage Plus.
She grabs the phone and starts yelling down the handset at the IVR

"Agent, Agent, Help, Help, Help" she barks.

"See, now you know what its like for real customers" I said to myself.

I finally confess to her that actually the SWU for this upgrade was not from my account - but from a friend who was sponsoring me.

She leans forward, unhappy that she has just spent the last 5-minutes yelling down the phone to a computer.

"Well", she said. "You'll have to have them take care of it. I cant confirm you in Business tomorrow. The system wont let me"

"Yes, it will" I said to myself. But I too was starting to lose the will to live. I couldn't be bothered arguing.

I then asked politely about a hotel room.

She peers into her terminal and says "Nope, says here the delay was ATC" You're outta luck. We owe you squat. Maybe the premium desk upstairs can help you, I need to attend to these other folks who have just arrived"

Now, I have dealt with UA long enough to know that it serves no purpose to start waving your arms and yelling DYKWIA. Especially when you need something from them.

I thanked the nice lady and remember to make a special mention of her in the mother of all emails I have mentally prepared to 1K Voice. And I hope that she doesn't get run over by a out of control BART carriage on the way home.

Head upstairs to the main check-in. Find another nice lady at the First Class/GS counter.

I then patiently explain to her what happened. She too is amazed at why anyone would do a MR.

It took some effort and persistence, but the CS agent printed out a voucher for the Hyatt and a $15 meal allowance. Probably out of pity. There were now 3 women standing around her - all fascinated by my PNR and looking at me as if I had a terminal disease.

They pointed, giggled, and then looked at one another. I gave up caring at this point.

So, with hotel and meal voucher in hand, I head outside to the hotel shuttles. I jump on the shuttle to the Hyatt. Except it was the one for the Westin.

Clearly, I am losing it. The bus driver thinks I am mentally challenged and takes me back to the airport.

"We'll it was nice to see the Westin again", I thought to myself.

Finally get to the Hyatt. Looks more like a minimum security federal penitentiary than a hotel. Some guy called Don checks me in, which takes an extraordinarily long time.

I head to the room. It's occupied as it's got the Do Not Disturb sign hanging on the doorknob. I try the key anyway, just to amuse myself. There's a mad panic inside the room.

I think to myself, you know what, lets leave things the way they are. I've done enough damage for the day.

So, here we are. The Mileage Run from hell. Thankfully, my buddy who sponsored my return upgrade has responded to my SOS emails.

More to come. Going to Hotel Bar to drown my sorrows...
已有2人评分威望 理由
luck_73 + 5 有趣
prada + 10

查看全部评分 总评分:威望 +15 

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黑钻会员 鲜花(20)

oscar 发表于 2010-11-30 13:11:18  | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 oscar 于 2010-11-30 13:12 编辑

沙发,你辛苦了。。。。还没有看完,本来以为一篇。。。没有想到发了N篇,不过要支持一下。。。

空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:11:57  | 显示全部楼层
更新,下午2时01周四,证券及期货条例

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

着地,上午11时35分...

让我告诉你我的早晨。

所以,我不知道为什么,但是,当我们滑行到到达门口,我还有一个希望,我可以进行连接了一线希望。毕竟,我能看到“大飞机”的窗口。它就在那里。因此,关闭您可以闻到喷气答

我错误地告诉上层财务顾问的,我是做了致辞,并在飞机上跳直回港运会之一。

她是中风。无法理解为什么一个人会做这样的事。

“那你妻子呢?那你的家庭”她尖叫着我。

“啊,我有每个之一。如何是你的?”我试图转移家庭问题尽快与我闲聊。

她喃喃地说粤语的东西,愤然离去。正是我在我的生活现在需要的。垂直的另一个挑战,愤怒的亚裔女性。

因此,飞机停下来,我螺栓下楼。这样做对乘客和困惑CBP的冲刺到了羊狗冲刺。

“不是太糟糕了,不是太糟糕”,我对自己说,我扫视了整个区域。队列的漂亮的“访问者”部分的光。我运行到线也有6-7人,并呼吁与该名男子的枪,让我插队。

我对自己说,现在是不是到时间或孩子是一个聪明的亚历克。与持枪的男子过来,在我的登机牌看起来并说“你就完了,太糟糕了,那么伤心,再见再见”。

或类似的东西。

然后我等待一个永恒。为什么每一次你在海关急于在证券及期货条例,该行与你非英语国家里坐满了人呢?
谁从未旅行过的人。谁在早上斗争取得打扮的人,更遑论国际旅行。

尖叫的冲动开始建立。 ,我开始使用F字。在希腊。很多。

无论如何,我到下一个男人拿着枪,后面的窗口之一,他开始...

“你为什么来美国?”
“面试...”俺不好意思地说,心想,我今天上午已到蛋羹,为什么还要让事情变得更糟,讲真话。我没有精力去尝试解释什么是议员在这个游戏点。

我有乳胶手套,KY软膏和我躺在一个房间里某个地方,做梦想,如果有人问我明白什么是下一个即将发生。

“什么样的面试?”那人说。

现在,我只有通过证券及期货条例被周围的2个星期前,与持枪的男子说:“但你是2周前只有在这里?”

“你为什么来美国这么多?”

我开始问自己同样的问题。

本人蒙混过关的问题和未来4-5与持枪的男子其实希望我的采访运气。

如果我不烧在这整个传奇地狱,我可能会需要一个新的工作。这绝对是一个新的妻子。也许孩子们会开始跟我说话,大学毕业后,他们又和我买一辆车。

我为螺栓和出口左转,所有的尿酸misconnects都参加了在大联合航空服务柜台。

它是空的。我的做法对尼斯女士之一。

然后,我开始解释我的困境。她也是不相信。

“但他Eightblack,每个人都在找你。你去哪儿了?”
“啊,在海关卡住了。我的航班被延误了4个小时的港运会”
“那么你就告诉我你是订了869港运回去?”
“是马岩”
“为什么?”
“为什么不”

她在开始口吐白沫,然后开始疯狂地敲击键盘上。显然,她的不开心,她的工作今天。必须有名册中拉短稻草。我不敢带了家庭或其他任何课题,可能发送到一个适合她的愤怒。

“嗯,我需要找人”

“我也是”我对自己说下我的呼吸。律师可能。

她呼吁在业务或类似的人,然后说
“嘿,贝蒂,我有一个议员Eightblack这里,你知道,谁应该是对港运会飞行的人。嗯,他只是出现在我的柜台。你永远也猜不到,他刚从”

在这一点上,我在想,为什么这些年来,如果我没有咬子弹,做任何事情将采取限定为GS。当然,他们不笑你。

显然,服务代理我处理和“贝蒂”一点也不在乎,我是在柜台听取他们的整个谈话的地位。有许多争吵和笑声。关于我。

总之,愤怒的女人终于重新书籍我到明天的班机。我礼貌地请她来检查我的升级状态。更多窃听。

在西南大学还没有回来你的帐号。让我打电话前程万里。
她抓起电话,开始大喊大叫了在手机的IVR

“代理,代理,帮助,帮助,帮助”她又喊又叫。

“你看,现在你知道它真正的客户,如”我对自己说。

我终于承认她,实际上是西南大学此升级不是从我的帐户 - 但谁是从一个朋友赞助我。

她倾着身子,不开心,她刚刚花了5分钟喊了电话到计算机。

“井”,她说。 “你必须让他们照顾好它。我无法证实你在企业的明天。系统不会让我”

“是的,它将”我对自己说。但是我也已开始失去了活下去的意愿。我懒得争论。

然后我礼貌地问有关酒店房间。

她把她的终端和同行说:“不,这里说的拖延是空管”你就走运气。我们欠你蹲下。也许楼上的保费服务台可以帮你,我需要参加这些谁刚到其他人“

现在,我有足够长的处理与UA知道,它没有用处,开始挥舞手臂和大喊大叫DYKWIA。尤其是当你需要从他们的东西。

我感谢漂亮的女人,记住要特别提到,在所有我有心理准备,她的母亲1K的语音邮件。并且,我希望她没有得到运行的控制捷运在回家的路上马车出去了。

上楼的主要办理登机手续。找到在头等舱/广深高速计数器另外一个不错的女人。

然后,我耐心向她解释发生了什么。她也感到惊讶,为什么有人会做一先生。

它采取了一些努力和毅力,但打印出来的CS代理人为凯悦券和15美元的伙食补贴。也许出于怜悯。现在有3名妇女站在她身边 - 所有订位,并迷上了我的瞧着我,如果我有一个绝症。

他们指出,咯咯地笑,然后在彼此照顾。我放弃了在这一点关怀。

因此,与酒店及手头的餐券,我头外面的酒店穿梭。我跳在去凯悦班车。除了它是该威斯汀酒店之一。

很显然,我失去它。巴士司机认为我是智障带我回到了机场。

“我们会很高兴再次见到威斯汀”,我心想。

终于有机会凯悦。看起来像一个最低限度的安全比酒店更多的联邦监狱。有些家伙叫唐支票,这需要一个相当长的时间了。

我朝房间。它的占领,因为它是得到了请勿打扰挂门把手上签字。反正我努力的重点,只是为了娱乐自己。有一个房间内疯狂的恐慌。

我觉得对自己说,你知道吗,让离开的事情会是这样的。我已经做了足够的伤害的一天。

所以,我们在这里。来自地狱的里程运行。谢天谢地,我的朋友谁赞助我回到我的升级作出了回应SOS的电子邮件。

更多的惊喜。去酒店酒吧要淹没我的悲伤...
已有2人评分威望 理由
luck_73 + 5 有趣
prada + 10

查看全部评分 总评分:威望 +15 

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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:13:37  | 显示全部楼层
Update, 5.50pm Thurs, Knuckles Sports Bar...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For a moment, I thought I was dreaming...

I am well and truly "calm" now after finding the most comfortable bar stool at the Sports Bar otherwise known as "Knuckles" at the Airport Hyatt in SFO. Everything on the menu comes with a Lipitor.

I ordered a Bloody Mary (as long as it came in any sort of large plastic container made by Rubbermaid). As soon as I finished that, I asked for whatever wine they were prepared to serve intravenously.

The barman was somewhat perplexed but as soon as he heard my Aussie accent, asked me if I knew his brother-in-law, who lived in Sydney. At a placed called "Cronulla".

He asked me what I was doing here. My bottom lip started to quiver but I couldn't seem to utter the words "mileage run" from my mouth. It was too soon. Not now. He wasn't ready for the truth. After all, he was but a simple bar person.

I'm not making this up. How could I?

After gently telling my new favorite bar man that no, I didn't know his brother-in-law, who lived in Sydney, in Cronulla, I then asked if he could he please ply me with alcohol until the bar stool gave way.

He was happy to oblige. I told him UA was paying. (yet another lie in my shark infested life today...)

Apparently I'm watching the New York Jets play the Cincinnati whoevers.

My flights home are confirmed, I have pacified the wife of my youth (she is now fully briefed on the story I gave her and seems content for now) and all that I have to do now is patiently wait for UA's IM to do its thing re clearing my upgrades.

Hopefully I make it to the airport in one piece tomorrow morning.

While it may not be entirely their fault, I am somewhat unhappy with UA today. Not that they were late and that I missed my flight, but because they failed to communicate what was happening, and when they did, they said it was "due to crew" and then when I land and I am knee deep in the proverbial, they blame it on ATC. As if.

In addition, if I didn't persist and wasn't a FT'er, I would be sleeping on a plastic seat in the middle of SFO International.

I have decided, in order to punish UA (and given that they are paying for the room) that I should see if the hotel TV has a marathon pornography channel which I will attempt to watch for the next 8-hrs solid and then stream to every other room on my floor.

Or something like that.

Standby for the return journey...Happy Thanksgiving.

更新,下午5点50周四,关节体育酒吧...

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

一时间,我以为我是在做梦...

我很好,真正的“冷静”后,现在在体育酒吧找到最舒适的酒吧凳,否则为“Knuckles的”证券及期货条例知名机场,在凯悦。菜单上的一切都带有一个立普妥。

我点了一杯血腥玛丽(只要它在任何由Rubbermaid的大型塑料制成的容器来进行排序)。当我完成,我不管什么酒,他们准备为静脉注射问道。

酒保有点困惑,但只要他听到了我的澳洲口音,问我,如果我知道他的兄弟媳妇,谁住在悉尼。放置在一个名为“克罗纳拉”。

他问我什么,我是在这里做。我的下嘴唇开始颤抖,但我一直没说出的话“运行里程”从我的嘴。这是太快了。现在不行。他不准备为真理。毕竟,他只不过是一个简单的棒的人。

我不是在此注册。我怎么可能?

后轻轻地告诉我新的最喜欢的酒吧的人,没有,我不知道他的兄弟媳妇,谁在悉尼,住在克罗纳拉,我问他是否可以请他与我,直到酒精层的酒吧凳让位。

他非常高兴地接受。我告诉他,尿酸是付出代价。 (另一个在我今天的生活鲨鱼出没的谎言...)

很显然,我在看纽约喷气机队发挥辛辛那提whoevers。

我的航班回家被证实了,我已经平息了我青春的妻子(她现在是充分了解的故事,我给了她,似乎内容现在)和所有,我现在要做的就是耐心UA的聊天室等待做它的事再清除我的升级。

希望我能参加向机场明天上午在一块。

虽然它可能并不完全错,我今天感到有点不满与UA。这并不是说他们迟到了,而且我错过了我的航班,而是因为他们没有沟通发生了什么事,当他们这么做,他们说这是“由于乘员”,然后当我土地,我的膝盖在众所周知的深处,他们怪罪空管了。好象。

此外,如果我不坚持,也不是FT'er,我会睡在中间的证券及期货条例国际塑料座椅。

我已经决定,为了惩罚尿酸(和考虑到他们的房间支付),我应该看看饭店的电视频道有一个马拉松色情,我会尝试看未来8小时,然后流固我的地板上的每一个其他房间。

或类似的东西。

返回待机旅程...感恩节快乐。
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:15:02  | 显示全部楼层
Update, 3.27am Fri, Hyatt Hotel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Staring at the ceiling in my room...

The effects of jetlag, perhaps too much enthusiasm at the bar last night and the noise of the air-conditioning unit has me well and truly awake.

Note to self: You are not 20-years old anymore. Stop trying to drink like a person who is.

I wonder what sort of deal hotels get on the AC units they install? It sounds as if it is diesel powered.

Anyway, I am hoping for an un-eventful day of flying.

A fellow FT'er buddy of mine came through with another SWU for the return. The HKG-SIN has cleared and the SFO-HKG is still waitlisted. This trip, he has been my travel hero (thank you deeply - you know who you are!)

As far as I can tell, the flight is wide open, but IM is being particularly stubborn of late and if it does clear, it will be at the gate I'm sure.

My clearance stats out of SFO are 100% so I live in hope. When I called the 1K desk last night, the nice woman on the phone told me that there were 30-people on the list. I pushed a little further...

"Could you tell me where I am?"
"No we don't have that information"
"But you're on a priority waitlist and there are more than 10-seats available so I am sure you will be fine..."

Why is it that faceless CS people, sitting in the safety of a cubicle somewhere in De-friggin-troit or Manila or India insist on providing re-assurance all the time.

I mean it's not their butt that has to potentially sit in E- all the way back to HKG, and then onto SIN, with their head in shame, carrying the burden of a failed MR. With a headwind. And food out of a box.

How on earth am I going to explain this to my grandkids one day...

Nevermind. Onwards.

When I checked email a little while ago, this arrival notice came through...

I cursed things all UA for the sense of irony. That was the flight I was supposed to be on! Damn you UA. Damn you.

I have decided to try and remain relatively sober for the ride home - as I want to use the time wisely to construct my pièce de résistance to 1KVoice. I was thinking of posting it here for you to see, but I'm sure it would be moderated into oblivion

I'm sort of hoping that the ground staff who worked the flight yesterday will be working the flight today and have pity on my soul, although I'm a little nervous. Apparently they turned the gate area upside down yesterday looking for me. Heaven knows what notes are on my record locator.

Anyway, when you fly UA out of SFO, you share the terminal with other airlines so you don't have the luxury of staring aimlessly at the plasmas UA have at their own gates. People stand their for hours, willing for their name to appear on the UPG list.

But at SFO Intl, it's all done at the counter. And I have to say, the process is always handled professionally.

The staff operate as if they have been trained by the Mossad. Clinical. Efficient. Ruthless even. They know all the tricks - and I enjoy watching relative newbies try "the upgrade speech", and then walk away, dejected.

It will be interesting to see how busy the airport will be the day after Thanksgiving. I am looking forward to walking thru the new scanner and have purposely packed my green Borat inspired "mankini" to celebrate the occasion (kidding, kidding. It's not green at all)

And by the way, thanks to everyone for their good wishes. I truly appreciate it.

Standby for more...

更新,周五上午3时27分,凯悦酒店。

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

凝视着在我房间的天花板...

对时差的影响,也许是太多的热情,昨晚在酒吧和空调机组的噪声有我好,真正清醒。

请注意自己:你是不是20岁了。别再喝喜欢一个人是谁。

我不知道什么样的协议酒店在交流单位进行排序,他们安装得到什么?这听起来好像是柴油动力。

无论如何,我希望能为飞行联合国忙碌的一天。

我的一个同事FT'er通过与好友来到另一个返回西南大学。港运会仙清除,证券及期货条例,港运仍然轮候。此行,他一直是我旅行的英雄(谢谢你深深的 - 你知道你是谁!)

据我可以告诉,飞行是敞开的,但是我最近正在特别顽固,如果它不明确,这将是在大门口我敢肯定。

我的通关统计出100%的证券及期货条例,所以我希望中生活。当我打电话给1K的办公桌昨晚,在手机上很好的女人告诉我说,名单上的30人。我推远一点...

“你能告诉我我在哪里?”
“不,我们没有这方面的信息”
“但是你优先候补名单,并有超过10个座位,所以我相信你会没事的...”

为什么不露面的政务司司长的人,在一个在德受诅咒- troit或马尼拉和印度坐在房间的某个地方的安全提供了保证所有的时间坚持。

我的意思是不是他们的屁股坐有潜在的电子商务中所有的方式回到港运会,然后进入过失,他们的头耻辱,载着一个失败的议员的负担。随着逆风。和一箱食物。

为什么我在地球上我要解释这是我的孙子有一天...

请不要介意。起。

当我检查电子邮件一会儿前,这个到货通知来通过...

我诅咒一切的讽刺意义的所有UA的。这是我应该是在飞行!你这该死的尿酸。该死的你。

我决定尝试,并保持相对冷静的回家 - 我想利用这段时间来构造我的作品明智地去抵抗1KVoice。我想在这里张贴给你看,但我敢肯定,这将是湮没放缓

我还是希望,地面工作人员谁昨天的飞行航班将今天的工作对我的灵魂可惜排序,虽然我有点紧张。显然,他们变成了门区倒挂昨天找我。天知道今天我的纪录注记定位的。

无论如何,当你飞证券及期货条例尿酸了,你与其他航空公司共享终端,这样你就不能有盯着等离子体尿酸在自己的城门漫无目的的奢侈品。人民代表他们的名字出现在名单小时的联塑,愿意。

但在证券及期货条例国际机场,这一切都做在柜台。而且我不得不说,这个过程是一直专业处理。

工作人员操作,好像他们已经被摩萨德培训。临床。高效。甚至无情。他们知道所有的小伎俩 - 我喜欢看相对新手尝试“升级讲话”,然后走开,垂头丧气。

这将是有趣的,看看忙碌的机场将在感恩节后的一天。我期待着通过新的扫描仪行走,并特意收拾绿色波拉特启发的“mankini”,庆祝国庆(开玩笑,开玩笑。这不是在所有的绿色)

对了,因为他们的良好祝愿表示感谢大家。我真的很感激。

待机更多...
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:16:49  | 显示全部楼层
Update, 10.04am, Friday, RCC

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Met up briefly with Tom911 at the lobby of the Hyatt this morning.

As we rode to the airport, we chatted briefly about travel and the conversation could have easily developed into a healthy debate over a bottle of red about SWU's and upgradeable fares.

It was a short-lived conversation, as he jumped out at the UA domestic terminal, on his way to Dulles.

Talking with fellow FT'ers cracks me up. You introduce yourself by your handle, forgetting to proffer your real name and then you launch into a tirade about the outrageousness of whatever is the hottest topic on FT at this very minute.

No asking about kids, family, work, how's your health. Just hard-core travel.

So I get to the International Terminal. Queue is not bad. Get undressed with everyone else and see the infamous "Tardis" machine. No one has yet gone postal and I don't hear any screams from excitable TSA agents yelling "Pat Down, Pat Down".

There were however, large boxes of latex gloves and tubs of lubricant on a table to the side. But I digress.

Anyway, thought I should see if I could do something about my E- seat, so approached the nice lady sitting behind the service counter at the RCC and proceeded with "Let me tell you about my day. Or rather, last 24-hours".

Her eyes glazed over, thinking I was yet another burdensome passenger with a grandiose sense of entitlement.

She starts tapping.
Then she frowns.
More tapping.
More frowning.

"There's no better seat than the one you already have" she says.

"What about an exit row?"

"Nope" she says defiantly.

I then politely ask her about my upgrade chances.

"What upgrade she says?"

I say the one that is supported by a SWU. The one in my reservation.

"There's nothing in the system about any upgrade" she says matter of factly.

My heart sank. I didn't think it appropriate to cry in front of her at this point, and yelling the F word a lot wouldn't probably be of much help either. And grabbing her by the scruff of the neck and pulling her over the counter wasn't going to improve my chances of getting home any quicker either.

I'm convinced that most of the senior RCC lounge dragons are trained in close-quarter combat - so I think she would have relished the challenge.

Anyway.

Then she peers into her screen.

"This record is a complete mess", she says in amazement.
"No kidding" I say.

"Well", she says. "You're on the list now. There are 23 people to check in, we have 10 seats available for sale and you are now lucky number 9".

She had that same patronising tone that the woman I spoke with yesterday had.

I started to reconsider the yanking her over the counter idea. But that soon passed when I saw a large manual in front of her titled "The human neck only needs 68 pounds of torque applied to this one spot before it snaps, causing instant death".

Or something like that.

I thought, bugger, I'll have to re-write my email to 1KVoice now and include this part of the epic saga.

I have no idea how I was dropped off the upgrade list. And besides, how can you clear one leg (which is the second in sequence) and not even be on the UPG list for the first.

My paranoia about getting home has had me checking .bomb every 12-minutes in the last 12-hours and everytime I did, I clearly saw this particular leg as "waitlisted".

She tells me that the HKG-SIN sector has cleared, but I wasn't on the SFO list.

I didn't have the strength to argue with the nice lady, instead reserving my energy for drinking heavily at the bar.

I've forgotten what day it is. Not sure of the time exactly. And can't remember what country I'm in.

But the mission is not yet complete...

Stay with me. Not long to go. I will attempt to post from the gate. Or jail. One or the other is a definite.

More later...
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:17:07  | 显示全部楼层
更新,上午10点04,星期五,碾压混凝土

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

遇到了简要Tom911在凯悦酒店大堂今天上午。

当我们乘坐的机场,我们聊了简短的谈话有关旅行可以很容易地发展成为一个健康的争论长达约西南大学的和可升级的票价红瓶。

这是一个短暂的交谈中,他跳出终端在国内的UA途中杜勒斯。

谈起与其他FT'ers裂缝我。你自我介绍你的手柄,忘记毫无顾忌您的真实姓名,然后你发射到一个关于是什么的令人厌恶的长篇大论在这个非常分钟就金融时报最热门的话题。

没有关于孩子的要求,家庭,工作,怎么你的健康。只是硬核旅行。

所以我到国际码头。队列也不错。获得与其他人脱衣服,看到了臭名昭著的“Tardis”机。至今还没有人去邮局,我没有听到任何来自激动TSA的大喊“拍下去,拍下去”代理商的尖叫声。

有然而,乳胶手套和一个润滑油的浴缸边桌大箱子。但是,我离题。

无论如何,认为我应该看看我能做些什么我的E座的东西,所以走近尼斯女士在后面的服务碾压混凝土坐在柜台,并以“让我告诉你我的一天。或者说,过去24小时”开始。

她的眼睛釉面过来,以为我是一个又一个宏伟的权利意识的负担乘客。

她开始挖掘。
然后,她皱起眉头。
更多窃听。
更多皱着眉头。

“没有比你已经有了更好的座位”她说。

“那退出行?”

“没”她挑衅地说。

然后我礼貌地询问我的升级机会她。

“她说什么升级?”

我说这是一个由西南大学的支持。在我的预订之一。

“有没有在系统中的任何升级”她说,实事求是地的问题。

我的心沉了下去。我不认为有必要在她面前哭,在这一点上,并大声喊道:大量的F字可能不会有很大帮助的。并抓住了她的颈背,拉着她的柜台不打算回家的提高更快,要么是我的机会。

我深信,高级休息室龙碾压混凝土大多数是在近距离作战训练季 - 所以我想她会津津乐道的挑战。

不管怎样。

然后,她把她的屏幕同行。

“这是一个完整的记录混乱”,她惊讶地说。
“不开玩笑”我说。

“嗯”,她说。 “你现在在名单上。有23人来检查,我们有10个席位发售,现在您的幸运数字9”。

她有同样的语调,该女子光顾我与昨日发言了。

我开始重新考虑唬弄她在柜台的想法。但是,很快就过去了,当我看到在她前面的大标题手册“,只需要68人的脖子应用到这一个点才扣扭矩磅,造成当场死亡。”

或类似的东西。

我想,开溜,我将不得不重新写我的电子邮件到1KVoice现在,包括这部分的史诗传奇。

我没有我是如何脱落的升级清单的想法。而且,你怎么能清除一条腿(这是第二顺序),而不是甚至在第一联塑名单。

我对偏执已回家我检查。炸弹在过去的12小时,每12分钟,每次我这样做,我清楚地看到作为“轮候”这种特殊的腿。

她告诉我说,港运仙部门已清除,但我不在名单上的证券及期货条例。

我没有力量去争论漂亮的小姐,而是保留在酒吧饮用大量的精力。

我忘了今天是什么日子。不知道准确的时间。可以不记得我是哪个国家英寸

但任务还没有完成...

陪着我。不长路要走。我会尝试从门后。或监禁。一个或另一个是肯定的。

稍后...
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:18:18  | 显示全部楼层
Update, 11.06am, Gate 95

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I take everything back.

Upgrade cleared. 6G all the way to HKG!

Ok, you purists out there will tell me that it's not a great seat, sandwiched in the middle section and facing backwards.

But hey, it's better than what I had. The gate is a zoo. But the UA staff are performing admirably.

And nothing was said about my misadventure yesterday. I was sure I was going to be chastised by one of the gate staff.

Talk soon...gotta fly.

to Chinese (Simplified) translation
更新,上午11时06分,95门

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------


我是否一切恢复。

升级清除。 6G的一路港运会!

好了,在那里你较真会告诉我,这不是一个伟大的座位,夹在中间部分,面临倒退。

但是,嘿,这比我好。门是一个动物园。但是,工作人员正在执行的UA令人钦佩。

而什么也没有说我的意外事故造成的昨天。我相信我将是由一名工作人员严厉批评大门。
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:20:49  | 显示全部楼层
Update, Seat 6G, SFO-HKG, 5-hours in, Somewhere over the pacific…

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yet another barely edible meal on UA. I know I shouldn't complain because I didn't really pay for the seat, but if UA are paying any more than $2 bucks for what they serve in Business, they need to fire their procurement people.

I wonder if the executives at WHQ have actually ever eaten it themselves. I bet they haven't.

Normally, I struggle with sitting backwards, but you know, I'm kind of getting used to it now. And I definitely think you sleep better, given that your head is slightly above your feet.

The guy sitting beside me seems to be friendly enough. He hasn't yet had a drink of alcohol - which worries me somewhat as he assures me he does enjoy a glass or two. I'm not so sure. And his definition of drinking and mine may be slightly different. Especially this trip.

After we finished lunch, he reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of Ambien. He unscrews the safety cap, takes a couple followed by a swig of coffee. He offers me the bottle of sleeping pills as if he was offering me a breath mint.

"Want one?" he says casually
"What are they?" knowing full well what they were, but wanting to play along a little.
"Oh they're just a mild sedative, I take them all the time" he says flippantly
"They help me sleep"
"Really?" I say
"Yes, take a couple. You'll feel a lot better"

I grab the bottle and pretend to be interested. And gently smile when I reach the part on the label which says "Prescription Medicine Only" and the disclaimer about not operating heavy equipment or driving. Or consuming large quantities of alcohol at the same time. Or getting into a hot tub with Jessica Alba.

Ok, I made that last part up. But the rest was true.

I hand the bottle back to my new best friend and say something about a mildly upset stomach. Probably as a result of the onion rings and half a dozen Heinekens I consumed at the bar last night. The upset stomach part was not entirely untrue. Thankfully he's not offended at this mild rejection of sharing his valued stash of industrial grade sleeping pills.

He proceeds to tell me that he works for some US government department that has a lot to do with the weather. And understanding tsunamis. And taking pictures of the ocean floor. He's heading to Jakarta because apparently the US government has a 300-foot vessel there, which belongs to the same department and he has to supervise taking more pictures. Or helping people run away from large waves.

Some guys have all the fun.

He is though, a heavy traveller and a fellow 1K. The inevitable question comes up about what was I doing in the US.

"Mileage run", I say rather sheepishly, fully expecting him to burst into laughter. Or request a seat change.

His eyes light up.

"Oh, I've been thinking about doing one of those as I'm only at 85,000 BIS for the year"

Now my eyes light up.

"Really?" I say.
"Yes, but I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it?"
"Have you heard of FlyerTalk?" I say
"No" he says rather curiously
"You should check it out" I respond

I'm now starting to sound like one of those evangelical, polite young guys in a suit who you often see on airplanes and airports trying to spread the word about the Church of Latter Day Something. Or whatever it is. You know who I mean.

I once had one of those guys sit next to me on a domestic flight from SFO to ORD. And I swear on the bible that he was peddling, that this is the honest truth, but I was actually reading "The God Delusion" at the time. I remember throwing the controversial book on my seat as I stowed my PC bag in the overhead. He looked at the shiny silver cover and nearly flipped. He was fit to be tied. I smiled.

"This could be interesting", I thought as I sat down
My single minded friend couldn't contain himself any longer.
He says "that's an interesting book" through gritted teeth
I hand it to him and tell him it is an "absolute cracker" and it's the best book I've ever read.

He can't bring himself to take it. To him, it is but the work of the devil. He's now foaming at the mouth.

I decide to tip him over the edge and hand out drink chits to everyone in my row. We were in the bulkhead - the first row of economy plus. it was pre UDU - so I cant quite remember why I wasn't sitting up the front, but on reflection, this was a lot more fun.

That flight was one of the best flights I've had. The whole row laughed, we talked a lot and we continued to drink at UA's expense until I had run out of drink vouchers.

The Religious One was furiously consulting his manual on what to do when you meet the devil himself. Especially one who drank heavily and was from Australia. He gave up after a while and proceeded to sit there for the rest of the journey listening to something on his headphones.

When we got to ORD, he wished me well. His bottom lip was trembling as he said it and I'm sure he was convinced that I was "gonna go straight to hell"

What the????

Whoops. Sorry about that slight diversion. Now where were we?
Oh thats right, back to this trip.

Anyway, back OT…

So I proceed to tell my existing seat mate about all the tricks and tips he'd discover on FT. He makes a mental note to check it out later.

We chat about Systemwides and fare classes. His upgrade cleared a few days ago and we comment that the majority of the main deck in C must be 1K or UGS folks. When my upgrade cleared at the gate and I skipped for joy towards the podium, I didn't see anyone less than a 100,000 miler printed on the boarding passes on the desk.

The couple to my right are heading to Vietnam. Very cute elderly pair but they worry me somewhat. The little old lady has a white manuscript which is all do with some sort of organized religion. She caught me glimpsing at her work and gently smiled. Perhaps she thought I was a potential new recruit.

"Here we go again" I thought to myself.

I then wished I had my copy of The God Delusion handy…

Oh, and to top it all off. The crew on this flight is the same crew I had coming from HKG. They all recognize me. The small angry cantonese FA I had on the upper deck on the way over has gone and told the rest of the crew that I am insane. There is much snickering from the galley.

Secretly though, I think she wants me. She is after all, only human

More to come when we get to HKG.

Time to get working on "the mother of all emails" to 1KVoice before the wine runs out.
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:21:13  | 显示全部楼层
更新,座椅6克,证券及期货条例,港运,5小时的太平洋上的某个地方,...

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

然而,另一个尿酸勉强食用餐。我知道我不应该抱怨,因为我真的不支付的席位,但如果尿酸正在为他们在企业发挥任何超过2美元雄鹿队,他们需要火警的采购人。

我不知道在世界总会的负责人,其实吃过它自己。我敢打赌,他们没有。

通常情况下,我与坐在向后斗争,但你知道,我的习惯,现在那种。而且我肯定的认为你睡得更好,因为你的头略高于你的脚下。

坐在我旁边的家伙似乎是不够友好。他还没有过的酒精饮料 - 这我有点担心,因为他向我保证,他不享有一两杯。我不那么肯定。和他喝酒,我的定义可能略有不同。特别是这次旅行。

我们吃完午饭后,他达到了他的袋子,拿出了一瓶安眠药。他旋开瓶盖的安全,采取了一大口咖啡,接着一对夫妇。他为我提供了安眠药,好像他递给我一张薄荷糖瓶。

“想要吗?”他说随便
“它们是什么?”完全知道他们是什么,但要想发挥沿一点。
“哦,他们只是一个温和的镇静剂,我就把所有的时间”,他说戏
“他们帮助我睡眠”
“真的吗?”我说
“是的,采取一对夫妇。你会感觉好多了”

我抢瓶子,假装有兴趣。而轻轻一笑当我到了该说标签上的“处方药,只有”和对没有驾驶操作重型设备或声明的一部分。或消耗大量的酒精数量在同一时间。或陷入与杰西卡阿尔巴热浴池。

好吧,我做的最后一部分了。但其余的是真实的。

我把瓶子回到我最好的朋友,说约一轻度胃部不适的东西。也许作为洋葱圈的结果,半打喜力啤酒在酒吧消费我昨晚。心烦意乱的胃部分并不完全不真实的。幸好他并没有冒犯分享他在这个价值藏匿工业级安眠药轻度排斥反应。

他接着告诉我,他的一些美国政府部门有很多事情要做天气工作。海啸和理解。并考虑到海底照片。他前往雅加达显然是因为美国政府有一个300英尺长的船只在那里,属于同一个部门,他要监督拍摄更多影像。或帮助人逃避大风浪。

有的人拥有所有的乐趣。

虽然他是一个沉重的旅行家和另一位1K的。不可避免的问题出现了什么是我在美国做什么。

“前程运行”,我不好意思地说相当,完全指望他大笑起来。或要求变更座位。

他的眼睛发亮。

“哦,我一直在思考这样做,因为我一想起这些我就只是在85000年之二”

现在我的眼睛发亮。

“真的吗?”我说。
“是的,但我不知道我要如何管理它?”
“您有没有FlyerTalk听说过吗?”我说
“不”,他说相当好奇
“你应该检查出来:”我回应

我现在开始听起来像那些福音,礼貌的年轻球员谁起诉你经常在飞机上和机场试图传播关于后期的那天会看到一个字。或是别的什么。你知道我是谁的意思。

我曾经有过的那些家伙一坐一坐,来自证券及期货条例国内航班ORD的我旁边。我发誓,对圣经,他兜售,这是诚实的真相,但我实际上是在阅读时间“上帝的错觉”。我记得我的座位上扔了有争议的书,我存放在头顶上方的我的电脑包。他看着银光闪闪的封面和几乎翻转。他是适合被束缚。我笑了。

“这可能是有趣的”,我以为我坐了下来
我的朋友,可以一心一意再也按捺不住。
他说:“这是一本有趣的书”,通过咬牙切齿
我递给了他,并告诉他这是一个“绝对的饼干”,它的最好的书我读过。

他不能让自己接受。对他来说,这不过是魔鬼的工作。他现在在嘴里起泡。

我决定给小费他在边缘并且准备了饮料筹号在我行的每一个人。我们是在舱壁 - 论经济加上第一行。它是前UDU - 所以我不能完全记得我为什么不坐在前面,但细想起来,这是一个好玩多了。

该航班是最好的我已经航班之一。整个行笑了,我们谈了很多,我们继续在UA的费用,直到我喝饮料券已经用完了。

疯狂的宗教之一是咨询该怎么办,当你遇到他的魔鬼手册。特别是一个谁酗酒和澳大利亚。他放弃了一段时间后,前往参加的旅程耳机听他的东西在这儿休息。

当我们到达ORD的,他希望我好。他的下嘴唇颤抖着,他说,我敢肯定,他相信,我是“会直接进入地狱”

什么????

糟糕。很抱歉,轻微转移。现在,我们说到哪了?
哦,这就是正确的,回到此行。

总之,回到加班...

所以,我继续告诉所有的技巧和提示,他会发现我现有的座位上金融时报伴侣。他使精神注意要检查出来以后。

我们聊Systemwides和舱位。他清除了升级前几天,我们的评论认为,在C主甲板1K或大部分必须是UGS的乡亲。当我在门口清理升级,我高兴得跳往讲台上,我没有看到任何人比登机印有10万哩减少对办公桌通行证。

我右边的夫妇前往越南。很可爱的老人,但他们对我有点担心。老太太有一个白色的手稿这是所有做一些有组织的宗教排序。她抓住了我在她的工作一瞥,轻轻地笑了。也许她认为我是一个潜在的新员工。

“在这里,我们又来了”我心想。

然后,我希望我有我的上帝的错觉方便拷贝...

哦,到最糟糕的了。关于这个飞行机组是相同的船员我从港运会的到来。他们都认识我。小生气问我对英足总的道路上已经走在甲板上,并告诉船员,我疯了休息。有许多窃笑从厨房。

偷偷不过,我觉得她要我。她毕竟是人之常情

更多的惊喜,当我们去港运会。

时间让“所有邮件的母亲”,以1KVoice酒用完之前的工作。
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:21:53  | 显示全部楼层
Update, Seat 15K, Upper Deck, HKG-SIN

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had one more hurdle to go.

I thought I would talk to the nice lady at the HKG RCC about printing off a new BP. The one I had was still from my unpleasant encounter back in SFO, which said seat 19 something. In Economy Plus. And both the 1K desk and the SFO RCC lounge dragon had told me I had already cleared the HKG-SFO leg.

No problem, I thought. Would take but a minute at the lounge to print my new boarding credentials.

How wrong I was.

I walk up to the reception desk. For those of you who don't know much about the HKG RCC, it has a mixture of staff. Some are contract, some belong to ANA and some are actually UA employees. It all depends what flights are operating at the time. The UA rep was no where to be seen.

One of the contract staff told me to wait a moment in the reception area until the nice UA lady came back.

Minutes later, she appeared and I asked politely if she could print my new BP as I knew the upgrade had cleared.

She took my existing BP and starting tapping.

Then she peered into the screen. More tapping. She then sat down and started to type using both hands.

A small bead of sweat started to appear over my left eyebrow. My right one was twitching uncontrollably.

I thought, what could possibly be happening now and why is this happening to me?

I then said to myself "walk away…grab a drink and I'm sure they will sort it out"

I leaned over the counter and enquired "Is there a problem?"

She didn't respond. The system had put her into a mild trance. She sort of grunted an acknowledgement to me and I decided to leave. She kept asking me what type of upgrade instrument I was using to support the upgrade.

"A SWU" I said, as patiently as I could

She looked puzzled. Confused. Worried even.

Dazed, I walk into the lounge. This was no time for drinking cheap Chilean wine which someone at UA had bought on eBay. This was an emergency and called for good old fashioned beer. And plenty of it.

I sat in front of the beer fridge and promptly emptied as much Asahi as I could into as many glasses I could find. People around me started to move into other areas of the lounge.

Fired up the PC and checked email. There was an email from my 10-year old son.
He said "Dad, because you were a day late, you owe me a present"

"Really" I said to myself, knowing full well all 4th graders have a Ph.D in extortion. My son has had his since he was 4-months old.
I waited for the punchline. He continued.

"Yes, you owe me a PS3. The "Lite" version. And don't be cheap ... - I want one with the biggest hard drive".

Now for those of you without kids born into the digital age, you need to know that 10-year olds of today only need parents for one thing. Their money. They can find out everything they need in life from Google and the interweb. Or someone at school called Jeremy.

Anyway.

He proceeded to send me the link to the latest gadget. I fired off a response and asked him what he was going to do with the Wii. And the 2 DS machines he had. And the iPod touch. And the Apple Mac Mini in his bedroom.

Minutes later, Entourage bleeps at me and there is his response. In capitals.

"U R AN IDIOT"

You see, kids today are convinced money comes from an ATM.

Once, I made the mistake of taking number one son to the hole in the wall to withdraw cash. The machine laughed when I entered my request.

He said to me "Dad, what's wrong?"
"Dad's card isn't working" I said sheepishly
"Use another one", he said.
"They don't work either", I said
"Why not?"
"Ask your mother"
"But doesn't the money come from the machine?" he innocently enquired

One of life's little hiccups. You get the drift.

So, there I am, sitting in isolation in the Red Carpet Club, contemplating my last 72-hours. By this time, security people had come over to me and stated to cordon off the area with police tape. Or something like that.

Maybe this was all a bad dream. Maybe FT had sucked me into some sort of vortex and I couldn't escape. Maybe it was the final stage of my Moderation Training. Damn you Prospero. Curse you Swanhunter. And Petrus, may your village burn to the ground.

Maybe it was a sick joke orchestrated by those evil people over on the BA forum. I started to shake.

I then felt a tap on the shoulder...

"Mr. Eightblack?"
"Yes", I say rather nervously, trying to then explain to the lady standing in front of me that it wasn't just me drinking all this Japanese beer, but that the other fellas had gone to the bathroom.

She didn't seem perturbed.

She then explained to me that my PNR was the worst mess she has seen in her entire career at UA. But I said "it was only 4-segments"

She then said "I couldn't work it out at all, and because coach is oversold, we were going to op-up you anyway".
She hands me my new boarding pass. 15K. Heaven knows what happened to the SWU. Time for that later.

I thank the nice woman. I feel the upgrade lottery weight lift from my weary shoulders. I had cleared 4 out 4, and in anyone's language, that's a good score.

She says, "But there is something else"

My heart sank.

"Yes, we received a call from your wife. She wanted me to give you this".

Reluctantly, I took the envelope. It had already been opened. The nice UA woman wasn't moving. Wild horses wouldn't budge her.
I reached inside and pulled out the contents.

It was a thick, beautifully bound Tiffany's catalogue.

She said, "Yes, your wife wanted you to read this on your plane ride back to Singapore. She has circled the items she has already purchased!"

Ok, now I might be embellishing the truth a little. But I know this trip is going to prove costly.

Was it worth it? Well that depends.

It was worth it in the sense that I have the issue of status sorted out for 2011. I just wasn't prepared to go into next year without it. Did the trip pan out the way I wanted? Quite possibly not.

There is a little more to tell. For those of you who have stuck with me throughout this ordeal, I am honored.

Thankfully, the story is nearly complete.

But not quite yet…my therapist says I need to complete the entire story for closure. Whatever the hell that means...
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:22:11  | 显示全部楼层
更新,15000座,上甲板,港运善

-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------

我有一个更多的障碍去。

我以为我会谈谈农村信用社在港运会有关打印引发新的BP漂亮的女人。一个我还是从我遇到不愉快的回证券及期货条例,说什么19个席位。在经济加。而无论是1K的桌子和证券及期货条例碾压混凝土休息室龙曾告诉我,我已经清理港运会,证券及期货条例腿。

没问题,我想。但会采取在休息室分钟,我的新打印登机凭证。

我是多么错误。

俺走到前台。对于那些你们谁不知道很多关于港运搜救中心,它有一个工作人员的混合物。有些是合同工,有些是全日空,有些其实是UA的雇员。这一切都取决于在什么时间的航班运营。在UA的代表并没有在那里待观察。

合同的工作人员告诉我,在等待了一会儿,直到接待区尿酸尼斯女士回来了。

几分钟后,她礼貌地出现,我问她是否可以打印我的血压,因为我知道新的升级已经清除。

她把我现有的BP和开始挖掘。

然后,她盯着屏幕。更多窃听。然后,她坐下来,开始用双手类型。

小珠的汗珠开始出现在我的左眉。我的右一为抽搐失控。

我想,怎么可能是现在发生的,为什么会这样对我?

然后我对自己说:“走了...抢喝一杯,我相信他们会整理出来”

我趴在柜台,并询问“是否有问题?”

她没有回应。该系统已投入温和恍惚她。她哼了一声排序的确认给我,我决定离开。她不断地问我什么类型的升级工具支持我使用的升级。

“阿西南大学”我说,因为我可以耐心

她一脸困惑。困惑。甚至担心。

头昏,我走进休息室。这不是便宜的智利葡萄酒饮用的有人在eBay上买了UA的时间。这是一个紧急和良好的老式啤酒调用。而它的很多。

我坐在前面的啤酒冰箱,并及时清空高达朝日尽我所能为尽可能多的眼镜我可以找到。我周围的人开始进入其他领域的休息室。

发射了PC和检查电子邮件。从我有一个10岁的儿子的电子邮件。
他说:“爸爸,因为你是迟一天,你欠我一个礼物”

“真的”我对自己说,明知有所有四年级学生勒索博士学位。我的儿子有他,因为他是4个月大。
我等待着所说的笑话。他继续说。

“是的,你欠我的PS3了。”轻型“的版本,不便宜... - 。我要与最大的硬盘驱动器之一”。

现在,对于那些没有进入数字化时代出生的孩子,你需要知道今天10岁只需要一件事父母。他们的钱。他们可以找到一切,他们从谷歌和interweb生活的需要。或在学校有人叫杰里米。

不管怎样。

他开始给我链接到最新的小工具。我发射了回应,问他要做什么用的Wii。和2个副秘书长,他的机器。和iPod触摸。和苹果的Mac Mini在他的卧室。

几分钟后,Entourage中bleeps我,有他的回应。在各国首都。

“ü ř白痴”

你看,现在的孩子们相信钱从ATM来。

有一次,我曾采取在墙上头号儿子孔提取现金的错误。该机笑当我进入我的要求。

他对我说:“爸爸,有什么不对?”
“爸爸的卡不工作”我不好意思地说
“使用一个又一个,”他说。
“他们没有任何工作”,我说:
“为什么不呢?”
“问问你的母亲”
“,但没有从机器来的钱?”他天真地问

一种生活的小打嗝。你得到的漂移。

所以,有我,在红地毯俱乐部隔离坐,凝视我的最后72小时。到这个时候,安全人员向我走过来了,并表示要与警方的封锁带区域。或类似的东西。

也许这只是一场噩梦。也许金融时报曾卷入旋涡一些那种我,我无法逃脱。也许这是我适度训练的最后阶段。你这该死的普洛斯彼罗。诅咒你Swanhunter。和佩特鲁斯,愿你的村庄烧为平地。

也许这是一个生病的玩笑超过广管局论坛上那些邪恶的人策划的。我开始动摇。

然后,我感到有人在自来水的肩膀...

“先生Eightblack?”
“是的”,我说相当紧张,然后试图解释,老太太在我面前站着,这不只是我喝这一切日本啤酒,但是,其他的伙计们都去了洗手间。

她似乎并不慌乱。

然后她向我解释说我的订位是最糟糕的混乱她已经在她的整个职业生涯中见过于UA。但我说:“这是唯一的4段”

她接着说:“我不能在所有的工作出来,因为教练是超卖,我们将要运注册你的好意。”
她递给我,我的新的登机牌。 15K的。天知道发生了什么事分离功。稍后的时间。

我感谢漂亮的女人。我觉得从我脆弱的肩膀升级彩票举重。我已经清理了4 4,在任何人的语言,这是一个不错的成绩。

她说,“但还有别的东西”

我的心沉了下去。

“是的,我们收到你的妻子打个电话。她要我把这个给你。”

不情愿地,我把信封。它已被打开。尼斯UA的女子不动了。野马她不会让步。
我走到里面,拿出的内容。

这是一个厚,装订精美Tiffany的目录。

她说:“是的,你的妻子想让你看看你乘坐飞机返回新加坡这一点。她绕着她已经购买的物品!”

好吧,现在我可能会有点美化真相。但我知道这行是要证明代价高昂。

它是否值得?嗯那要看情况。

这是值得在这个意义上,我的地位问题在2011年进行排序。我只是不准备到明年去没有它。泛出来的行程是否我想要的方式?很可能不是。

还有一点要告诉你。对于那些你们谁和我始终陪伴这个严酷的考验,我很荣幸。

幸好,这个故事已接近完成。

但是,尚未完全...我的治疗师说,我需要完成整个故事的结束。这意味着无论是地狱...
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空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:25:01  | 显示全部楼层
Update, 7.11am, Living room couch, Sunday morning, SIN

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One of my best friends is a dentist. A good one. Nicest guy you could meet. Anyway, one of his vices is gambling. He'd bet on 2 flies crawling up a wall.

He has battled this demon for many years and at one point, took himself to see a therapist.

My buddy is all prepared to talk about how much money he has blown over the years, how much anguish this problem has caused his wife and how he struggles daily with the addiction. In short, he is prepared to "bare his soul".

But the therapist starts off on a different tact. He doesn't want to get to the gambling details just yet.

"Tell me about your social life? Plenty of friends?"
"Yes", my friend nods
"And do you play any sport?"
"Yes, played in a local cricket club for years"
"I see" says the therapist
"And what else do you like to do?"

My friend then tells the therapist that he enjoys eating out with friends. And I can speak from experience that some of his dinner parties have been the stuff of legend.

The Doctor continues to scribble on his pad. He continues...

"What about drinking, do you enjoy a drink?"
"Yes, most definitely" says my buddy
"I love a good red or white wine"
"Tell me how much you drink then?" the therapist enquires
"About 2 a day"
"2 what? 2 glasses?"
"No" says my friend matter of factly. 2 bottles"
"2 bottles!" says the Doctor in amazement

My friend then decides because he's coming clean, he should explain how much he drinks on the weekends. Which was a lot more.

The Doctor takes off his reading glasses, puts down his notepad and pen and leans forward and says "Maybe we better start with your drinking problem before we tackle anything else"

My friend was perplexed. "What drinking problem?" he says rather incredulously. "I don't have a drinking problem. I thought we were here to discuss my gambling issues".

The point of this slightly humorous tale is this.

Mileage Running is a result of pure addiction. Only the true believers can see the sense. I just spent 72-hours traveling, for what most people would say, was for absolutely no reason at all.

35 of those 72-hours was spent in a pressurized environment spread across 4 separate flights. I crossed the international date line twice and ate some of the worst food imaginable. I might have had a drink or two to simply calm my nerves. But nothing which would be considered excessive

In effect, I lost control of my life for 3 days. And for what?

Sometimes I walk around the house in my underwear yelling to the kids "Its Good To Be The King!" If my wife isn't home, I'll do it with a cigar in my hand.

Our Filippino housekeeper runs and hides under the bed. The kids just roll their eyes. My 7-year old daughter takes umbrage to this statement and says defiantly "Dad, you may be the King, but you're definitely not the boss"

I say to my daughter that if I'm not the boss, then who is? "Mum", she says rather indignantly. I come back to reality and realize that The Small One is right.

And it's the same with flying. When you step into the airport, you may think you're the King, Master Of Your Domain, Ruler Of Everything. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When I left for my little adventure a few days ago, UA called the shots. All of them. There was nothing I could do to prevent what happened. First they blamed the delay on the crew. Then when I got to SFO, the reason was officially ATC. All I know was that the whole thing was a lot of Bravo Sierra.

That's why so many people hate traveling - for the uncertainty of it all.

Me, I think that's what makes travel all the more interesting. Fellow FT'ers relish the challenge of finding a better way, of coping with the unexpected. Of getting out of a tight jam. Of gaming the system to their advantage. That's the DNA of a true Mileage Runner. Of a true FlyerTalker. At least, that's what I think.

Some of you posted, when I missed my return flight, that I should have had UA cover my flight on another carrier back to SIN that afternoon. But to me, that would have been cheating. And besides, I didn't want to have to sit down the back if I could help it. I didn't want to have to fight for EQM's to post, to argue about routing, or change fees. I wanted to do it all on UA.

As it was, I felt I failed the MR mission. Having a 24-hr break in between wasn't the intent. And besides, I just did that very same trip 2 weeks ago for a legitimate work reason, except I went to Boston and back (from SIN). All in 3-days.

So here we are. Status achieved. Mission sort of complete. Trip stats - 17,034 EQM's, 34,068 RDM's, 2 SWU's burned, 100% clearance and 1K renewed for 2011.

Was it worth it? Of course.

Today, would you believe, I am traveling again. Have to be in Australia on Monday for 3-days of meetings. I don't fly out until tonite. This time though, I am on my favorite airline. Emirates. Flying on EK is like visiting your rich uncle. There's a lot of toys. A lot of bling. But it's fun to experience. And everything's brand new. And it all works.

I'll get to the EK lounge in Singapore. The staff know who I am. The food is more than edible and plentiful. The wine is excellent and the champagne doesn't come from a bottle with a screw cap.

At that point I will say "It's good to be home".

Finally, I have to admit that I am somewhat embarrassed that this thread is now 11+ pages long. I think I have one more post in me, but then we should probably all call it quits and go back to doing something far more interesting.
已有1人评分威望 理由
luck_73 + 10 good

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United: 1K, AA: PE, Air France: Platinum, SAS: Gold, Starwood: Platinum, Marriott: Platinum, Hilton: Gold, Carlson: Gold, Best Western: Platinum

空乘 鲜花(229)

元帅

无敌 发表于 2010-11-30 13:25:13  | 显示全部楼层
更新,上午7时11,客厅的沙发上,星期天的早上,单仲偕

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我最好的朋友之一,是一名牙医。好的。最好的家伙,你能满足。无论如何,他的恶习之一就是赌博。他赌2苍蝇爬上墙。

他已经奋战了多年,在这个恶魔一点,把自己看到了心理医生。

我的好友都是可以谈多少钱,他多年来一直吹,有多少痛苦这个问题引起了他的妻子以及他如何挣扎与成瘾日报。总之,他是准备“裸露自己的灵魂。”

但治疗师开始了在不同的机智。他不想去赌博的细节只是还没有。

“说说你的社交生活吗?很多朋友?”
“是的”,我的朋友点头
“那你玩什么运动?”
“是的,在当地的板球俱乐部打了多年”
“我见”说,治疗师
“那你还喜欢做什么?”

我的朋友,然后告诉治疗师,他喜欢和朋友外出吃饭。我可以说自己的经历,他的一些宴会一直是一个传奇。

医生继续他的涂鸦板。他继续...

“怎么样喝,你喜欢喝一杯?”
“是的,肯定说:”我的好友
“我爱一个好的红或白葡萄酒”
“告诉我你喝多少呢?”治疗师查询
“约2天”
“2是什么?2眼镜?”
“不”实事求是地说,我的朋友的问题。 2瓶“
“2瓶!”医生惊讶地说,

我的朋友,然后决定是因为他的到来干净,他应该解释多少周末他喝酒。这是一个多很多。

医生脱下老花镜,放下他的记事本和笔,身体前倾,并说:“也许我们更好地与您的酗酒问题开始之前,我们处理任何东西”

我的朋友感到困惑。 “喝什么问题?”他说,相当怀疑的。 “我没有酗酒的问题。我认为我们在这里讨论我的赌博问题”。

这个稍有点幽默的故事是这样的。

里程跑步是一种纯粹的瘾的结果。只有真正的信徒可以看到感。我只花了72小时旅游为大多数人会说,是适合完全没有理由。

这些72小时35花了4个单独的航班在全传播的压力环境。我穿过国际日期变更线的两倍,并且吃了最严重的粮食难以想像。我好像喝一两杯简单地安慰我的神经。但是没有考虑过这将是

实际上,我失去了我3天的人生。为了什么?

有时候我走在我周围的房子给孩子们的内衣喊“以其良好的是王!”如果我的妻子不在家,我会做一个雪茄它在我手中。

我们Filippino管家运行,并隐藏在床底下。孩子们刚刚推出自己的眼睛。我7岁的女儿发生不快,并说这句话挑衅:“爸爸,你可能是国王,但你肯定不是老板”

我要告诉我的女儿,如果我不是老板,那么是谁? “妈妈”,她颇为气愤地说。我回到现实,认识到,小的是正确的。

而且它与飞行一样。当你走进机场的步骤中,您可能会认为你在你的域名,统治者的一切国王,大师。没有什么比这更远离真理。

当我为我前几天有点冒险离开,尿酸所谓的镜头。全部。有什么我可以做,以防止发生了什么。首先,他们指责在船员延迟。然后当我到证券及期货条例,原因是正式航管。我所知道的是,整个事情是一个很大的布拉沃塞拉利昂。

这就是为什么许多人讨厌旅行 - 对于这一切的不确定性。

我,我认为这是什么让旅行更有趣。研究员FT'ers津津有味,找到与一个更好的办法应付突发的挑战。获得一紧堵塞了。博彩对自己有利的制度。这是一个真正的里程亚军的DNA。一个真正的FlyerTalker。至少,这就是我的想法。

你们中的一些张贴,我回来时,我错过了航班,我应该有联合航空承运人支付我的另一航班回单的下午。但对我来说,这将一直欺骗。再说,我不希望有坐下回来,如果我能帮助它。我不希望有对东秦岭的战斗后,争论的路由或更改费用。我想要做的所有尿酸它。

因为它是,我觉得我没在MR的使命。有一间24小时不休息的意图。再说,我只是做了同样的行程是2个星期前有正当工作的原因,除了我去波士顿和背面(从单)。所有在3天。

因此,我们在这里。地位的实现。团样的完成。跳闸统计 - 17034多划的,34068 RDM的年代,2西南大学的烧毁,100%,2011年重新清理和1K的。

它是否值得?当然可以。

今天,你会相信,我正跋涉了。要在星期一在澳大利亚3天的会议。我不飞了出去,直到今夜。但是这次,我是我最喜欢的航空公司。联合酋长国。对克朗飞行是喜欢参观你的丰富的叔叔。有很多的玩具。很多宝石很多。但很有趣的经验。一切的全新的。而这一切的作品。

我现在就在新加坡克朗休息室。工作人员知道我是谁。比食用的食物和丰富的多。酒是优良,香槟并非来自一个有螺丝帽瓶来。

在这一点上我会说:“这是好得回家了。”

最后,我不得不承认,我感到有点尴尬,这个线程现在11 +页长。我想我有一个更我的职务,但后来我们大概都应该把它退出并返回到做一些更有趣。
已有1人评分威望 理由
luck_73 + 5 有趣

查看全部评分 总评分:威望 +5 

United: 1K, AA: PE, Air France: Platinum, SAS: Gold, Starwood: Platinum, Marriott: Platinum, Hilton: Gold, Carlson: Gold, Best Western: Platinum

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